My Darkness through the 20112011 portal

My darkest moments have descended upon me in these last few days, a deep sense of disconnection and foreboding seems to filter through my soul. Unawareness hides the pain emanating from the core of my soul being. My solar plexus on fire, deep anxiety filters down over my soul like a dark cloud as it rolls in before the storm. What is this feeling that seems to consume me. Anger rages within my veins a current so strong that growling seems to emanate from a realm that is not my own. Unawares to me threads are being severed, but fight I might try my soul spirals deeper into an abyss that even I know not how to climb out of. Silently I creep deep into my cavern of supposed peace, no longer existing in duality where happiness a cloud my soul soared upon brought forth to this life the smiles upon faces so serene. Lashing with exposed claws I hunted the very souls that loved me, and as I watched their tears I retreated cowering into the darkest shadows.

What is this feeling, from whence has it come, I remember nothing, no feeling, again I am a blinded soul that not even the mirror shows recognition. Is my time coming to an end, am I to fall deep into this hole at my time of my greatest awakening and remembrance?

And suddenly as the feeling came through the darkness a bright shining light and a voice calm and serene spoke in a wisdom that was beyond this time or realm. It spoke of the shredded darkness that has encased my heart. The purposeful twisting and turning of every thread of love and unity, separating me from the profound love that my kindred soul embraced me upon. Would I wake up in time before the damage was profoundly irreversible?

So I retreated to my cavern and silently screamed, clawing at the walls of my cavern until nothing but the stumps of my claws remain. Through the searing pain I heard that voice of love that seemed to reach through that darkness. It spoke of love and understanding, of hope and unity, of remembrance of who I was and am. That this hole created by an energy that even I knew not of. And in that quiet moment I crawled out of my cavern into a new dawn of my own understanding. Where my heart was once innocent the calling that held me so divinely replaced by an inner knowing. A knowing of profound proportions, that we are all vulnerable to the energies that fall upon this planet at this time. Even beyond our realisations we are affected in ways that perhaps are lost in our own understanding. This darkness that descends is only momentary. It is within the evolved space of understanding the infinite spirit that the realisation becomes the shining light. To bring forth your light and understand that you are a soul that has chosen to experience and understand these energies at this time.

So with a silent smile I sit now in peace the residue of the last few days etched in deep welts upon my soul. My greatest lesson and gift I have given unto me was to remove myself from the drama, the dark whisperings and watch them evolve escalate and quietly dissipate into the realm of non effect.

This is the time to embrace the heart, the kindred souls of love and understand that through this pain there will and always was the merger between your dark self and your light self. The Dark night of the soul is only the testing journey to your light self. The shedding of the doubt and anxiety testing the strength of you soul to transmute the energy to a place of peace and love.

This is my journey through the mirrored portal of 20112011

~Turukai~

 

Comforting words from The Mirror

 

Wow wow Precious Turukai this would have to be one of your best writings in some time sad as it is though and it has drawn my soul back to yours in such a huge profound way I emerge myself in its Darkness I tell you awwww shit!!!!..my heads like about to ex-plode right now as I’m fighting trance state Ravens kwarking in my ears so here goes sorry if it sounds like a ramble but you so need to hear this…in order to determine the extent and thereby the boundary point at which past things must be forgotten if they are not to become the grave digger of the present,one has to know the exact extent of the plastic energy of a person ,of a people,of a culture even that is the power to grow uniquely from within,to transform and incorporate the past and the unknown,to heal wounds,to replace what is lost,and to duplicate shattered structures from within,there are people so lacking in this energy that they bleed to death,as if from a tiny scratch,after a single incident,a single pain,and often in particular a single minor injustice,if something must be said against being sick or weak it is that such a state wears down a person’s instinsic healing instinct,that is the instinct to defend and arm oneself. One is incapable of escaping anything,of dealing with anything,of repelling anything – everything hurts. men and things come too close for comfort,experiences affect too deeply,the memory is a festering wound. being ill is a form of resentment in itself and to combat this the afflicted has only one major weapon..I call it “Russian fatalism”  you call it “Dark Night of the soul” that fatalism lacking rebellion which finally prompts a Russian soldier say to lay himself down in the snow when the campaign has become too much.. Absolutely nothing more is accepted,grasped,or consumed – no reaction at all…The dominant reasoning behind such fatalism,which is not always the courage to die,but can be life preserving under potentially fatal circumstances,is reduction in the metabolism,a deceleration,a certain will to hibernate..taking this logic a few steps further before I close here and you have the fakir who slumbers for weeks in a grave..as one would consume oneself too quickly if one reacted at all,one doesn’t react in the slightest this is the logic..ok I think Ive rambled on a bit too much but my point is so clear I love you so so much I hate to hear of you being sad and feeling this way inside cos when you do it effects me inside also and I spin out into chaos as well..separate myself from your energies is my only solace and so I can breath and think straight..all though I embrace my own chaos cos I strongly believe in the notion….”You must have chaos within you,to give birth to a dancing star”..~Enercia~

 

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~ by turukai on November 22, 2011.

2 Responses to “My Darkness through the 20112011 portal”

  1. This seems to sum up the experience of most who are awake and present during these times. Some days seem to be filled with light and lightness, and others feel heavy and worthless.
    Thank you for a beautiful, heartfelt post.

    • Thank you for your kind words…….the cycle is repeated with each momement that a new awareness is embraced … amazing times for sure.
      Blessings.

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